Escape from an Ancient Civilization Ch 153

Chapter 153

 

“‘Did I push you too hard that night? So… you agreed to what you didn’t want…?’”

That line from Medeus kept looping in his head. Nataek wasn’t the type to become lovers with someone he didn’t even like.

“Hey, that’s not what this is…”

He covered his eyes with his palm. As his sight sank into darkness, his thoughts ran deeper. He recalled the resolve he’d promised himself.

“‘At least while here, give it everything’—that’s what I said… What am I doing already losing grip?”

After sitting and wrestling with it, Nataek sprang to his feet. If he understood what he’d done wrong, he had to fix it fast. The longer he hesitated, the longer Medeus would sit with a hurt heart.

He strode to the tent’s entrance, determined to clear Medeus’s misunderstanding and put his true feelings into words, and yanked it open.

Thud—

Right beyond the door stood Medeus’s broad back. Head bowed, fists clenched, he stood rooted in place.

“Mede…us?”

Even when called, Medeus didn’t turn. Nataek moved to stand before him. Medeus’s gaze slowly lifted to Nataek.

“Look… I know now may not be when you want to talk, but could you spare just a moment… please?”

Face-to-face, Medeus’s expression was one of barely bottled anger. In all their time—when Nataek had been his slave and now that they were close—Nataek had never seen Medeus show his feelings so nakedly. Flustered, Nataek wet his dry lips with his tongue.

He’s really angry. Where to start? Apologize first for failing to reassure him? Or explain what’s truly in my heart?

He thought hard. This time Medeus didn’t look away.

Apology first—right?

As Nataek drew a breath to begin, Medeus’s fingertips gently pushed Nataek’s hair back.

“I’m sorry, Teresi.”

“…What?”

Nataek blinked at the unexpected words. Medeus’s features tightened even more harshly.

“I shouldn’t have let you go alone…”

His hand hovered near the edges of Nataek’s wounds.

“It was my fault.”

On this night without light, with nothing to see his face in, Nataek still hadn’t really looked at himself—only felt that the pain was bearable and nothing was deeply cut. Remembering his state, he rubbed his cheek.

“As I said earlier, I’m really okay. It doesn’t hurt that much.”

“…The marks remain.”

“No broken bones, nothing torn, Medeus.”

He caught Medeus’s wandering hand, drawn it down slowly in a plea for peace.

“I’m sorry… for disappointing you.”

“Why would I be disappointed in you?”

“For not giving you trust. But I have never treated what we are lightly. I’ve never forgotten that you’re important to me. So… please don’t be angry.”

Medeus knit his brows.

“What are you talking about, Teresi?”

“Aren’t you angry because you think I’m not treating you like a proper lover?”

“Angry…! Ha…”

He pressed his palm to his forehead; a heavy sigh leaked through his fingers as he rubbed his face.

“…Teresi. No. I’m not… I’m not angry at you.”

Now doubt pinched Nataek’s brow.

But he was angry at me before. Did I get it wrong again?

Seeing Nataek’s honest confusion, Medeus bit his lip. He started to speak, stopped, sighed long again, and closed his mouth—then, reading the worry lining Nataek’s face, he finally spoke.

“I wasn’t angry at you… I was angry at myself. For failing to protect you.”

Nataek pulled his chin down to his throat, leaning his head back a little.

“Medeus. Before anything else—let me say this: I am not that fragile. I’m a man like you, and among ordinary people, I’ve never been the one overpowered.”

In the ancient world it might be different—but in the modern one, it was true. Medeus stared like he couldn’t believe it.

“Never… overpowered?”

He couldn’t go on; he pressed his knuckles into his brow. The face of a man forcing down his temper twisted further.

Nataek pretended not to notice and continued evenly.

“If there’s fighting, a few injuries are to be expected. And I wasn’t the only one who landed blows—I gave that Lagab dog one back.”

Different in degree, sure, but he had hit Lagab back; it was true. As he spoke, he recalled each moment he’d held his own. The urge to apologize thinned; he found himself focused on clearing Medeus’s misunderstanding about him.

“And in the operation to get the soldiers out, I did my part helping Lord Shuran. I’m not slight like the princess, and I’m not a child in need of a guardian. I’m a grown, able man.”

There was a wide gap between them. Nataek had never lived in a position of weak dependence, so he couldn’t stomach being treated that way; Medeus, meanwhile, had for the first time in his life someone precious—Nataek—whom he wanted to shield and cherish. Of course he wanted to protect him more than anyone.

The difference wouldn’t close easily. Medeus gave a short, hollow laugh.

“So you’re telling me not to worry about you? Even after you came back like this?”

“You weren’t in a position to protect me. And strictly speaking, you did save me—so in the end, you did protect me. What I mean is, you don’t have to turn that anger on yourself over my condition.”

“Teresi. Do you… hear yourself?”

Nataek shut his mouth.

Ah, no—that wasn’t it. Why did I provoke him again?

“Uh… what I mean is—”

“Then what… what reaction should I have had?”

Nataek clamped his lips tighter, then spoke carefully.

“Can I be honest?”

“With me—only honesty. Tell me. What should I have done?”

Talk with Medeus always seemed to slip out of hand. He felt a surge of disbelief at how they’d gotten here—but he spoke his mind at once.

“I wanted you to be proud of me.”

“…”

Medeus was silent. Nataek, watching his face, finished the thought.

“I don’t want to be protected by you. Honestly, I want to protect you. But since I don’t have the strength for that… at least let me be of use. I want to be someone you can rely on—someone you can put your back against.”

“Teresi…”

“Are you sending me away because I’m in the way?”

“Teresi. I…”

Medeus’s brows drooped; his gaze showed his tangled heart, plain as day.

“I don’t think you’re in the way. But that’s different from this.”

“What’s different?”

“Why won’t you understand that I want to keep you safe!”

“And what—do you think I want to send you alone to the battlefield!”

In the end, drawn along by Medeus, Nataek poured out his own insides. Silence fell after their shouts.

Damn it. This isn’t it. Why is it that only with him, my feelings won’t stay in my hands?

Swept up by first‑time bonds and first‑time feelings, Nataek couldn’t lead the moment. With Medeus, both the reasons for conflict and the ways through it were all new.

Medeus squeezed his eyes shut.

“I need time to think. Rest.”

Again the talk tried to reset back inside the quarters. As he turned to go, Nataek caught his wrist at once.

“Wait.”

And he pulled Medeus back into the tent.