IH Ch 87

Chapter 87

“…I have things to do.”

He didn’t, actually, but he said it anyway.

“I won’t come to your room tonight.”

Maybe he didn’t need to say it at all. But since the words had already left his mouth, Jae-i just brushed it off casually, as if to say, “You don’t have to worry about me.” In response, a faint crease formed between Dohwa’s brows.

Staring intently at Jae-i, Dohwa brushed a cushion aside and stood up. Jae-i thought he must be heading to his room and let out a small sigh of relief—only for Dohwa to abruptly turn around and stride toward him. Jae-i instinctively pressed his back against the sofa.

He looked up at Dohwa, who now stood tall before him.

“……”

He had only ever looked down at people. Being the one looking up was completely foreign to him.

“Why…”

“Was the person on TV earlier your type?”

“……”

“You said she was your ideal type—do you like her? Are you going to meet her someday?”

He had no idea what this was about. Being stared down like this, being questioned like that—he had never experienced anything like it. His type? Planning to meet her someday? That couldn’t possibly be true.

“What…”

“Are you going to meet her?”

“No, I’m not!”

Jae-i raised his voice without meaning to. Realizing how loud he’d been, he hesitated, but Dohwa pressed him again.

“Really?”

“……”

Why was he acting like this today? But the seriousness in Dohwa’s eyes and expression made it impossible not to answer.

“…Yeah.”

“You mean it? Even if she contacts you, you won’t see her?”

“Don’t ask me something so obvious. It’s not like I’ve ever received that kind of message anyway.”

Anything like that would’ve been cut off by Ahn Yuna long before it reached him.

Jae-i hated being looked at by strangers. He especially despised those who approached with unwelcome feelings. They’d confess their one-sided emotions, get hurt on their own, then start resenting him—he never understood what any of it was supposed to mean. Even the stuff on TV just now, it was all meaningless chatter. He couldn’t even recall their faces. So why was Dohwa saying such things?

Normally, he wouldn’t have responded at all. But the unwavering gaze fixed on him compelled Jae-i to open his mouth again.

“I don’t meet with anyone. Ever.”

He was going to spend his whole life alone. That vague thought from his youth had grown into certainty as he got older. He couldn’t even imagine having someone else by his side. He was only speaking the truth with no lies—but somehow, it made him feel oddly deflated. Jae-i urged Dohwa to head to bed.

“Go to sleep now.”

“You’re not sleeping with me?”

“……”

His mind went blank. Had he heard that right? Jae-i didn’t move, and Dohwa spoke again.

“You’re going to come to my room anyway tonight.”

Every morning when he opened his eyes, Dohwa was in his arms. How many days had it taken for him to grow used to that absurd reality? He had thought he was the only one who cared about it.

“Isn’t it uncomfortable sleeping on the floor?”

“……”

Jae-i looked up at Dohwa, who was sitting on the bed in light blue pajamas. He stared for a moment, then glanced around the room.

Dohwa had spoken as if it were completely natural that Jae-i would come to his room again tonight. Maybe that’s why Jae-i had moved along without resistance. Before he knew it, he was already in Dohwa’s room. As soon as he saw the neatly made bed, he thought—this wasn’t right. But just as he was about to leave, Dohwa turned around. He didn’t say a word, just gave him a look that said, “What are you doing?”—yet even that kept Jae-i from lifting a finger.

By the time he came to his senses, he was carrying his own bedding from his room. Sharing a bed didn’t feel right, so he had laid out a blanket on the floor and was now sitting on it, kneeling. That’s when Dohwa asked if it wasn’t uncomfortable sleeping like that.

“……”

It wasn’t the floor that was uncomfortable—it was the situation itself.

Was this okay? How had things ended up like this? No matter how many times he mulled it over, he couldn’t understand, but Dohwa gave him no time to sort through his thoughts.

“I’m turning off the light.”

Dohwa climbed down from the bed, switched off the light, and returned, drawing closer. Jae-i heard the sound of him crawling into the blanket. He seemed to lie flat for a moment, then turned toward Jae-i. Slowly, Jae-i also laid himself down.

The floor, with only a single blanket, wasn’t as comfortable as a bed. But it wasn’t so bad either. Lying flat on his back, Jae-i stared up at the ceiling. Once Dohwa fell asleep, he’d sneak out. He felt like he could stay up tonight, at least. If he didn’t fall asleep, he wouldn’t unconsciously end up in Dohwa’s arms again.

“……”

Strangely enough, the space no longer felt so uncomfortable. It wasn’t his room, and Dohwa was lying nearby. Yet even while lying foolishly on a blanket on the floor, it felt okay. His muscles began to relax, and Jae-i slowly blinked. He waited for time to pass, but apparently, he wasn’t the only one unable to fall asleep.

He’d sensed a gaze brushing against his profile for a while now but had been pretending not to notice. Eventually, Jae-i felt he couldn’t ignore it any longer and turned his head toward Dohwa. The darkness didn’t prevent him from making things out. The only thing obscured was Dohwa’s face and expression, due to the height of the bed.

“…Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Now that he thought about it, he didn’t even know when Dohwa usually went to sleep. All he ever saw was Dohwa in his arms when morning came.

“I’ve never really been able to sleep well.”

Jae-i had wondered what time Dohwa usually fell asleep, and the answer gave him pause.

“How could anyone sleep in a place like that.”

“……”

A place like that.

Jae-i recalled the place he’d taken Dohwa from. Smaller than this room. A single bed. A white iron desk and chair. He thought there had been a sink and a toilet in one corner. Naturally, there were no windows, and everything—the walls, the floor, even the sparse furniture—was white. There was no visible light fixture on the ceiling, yet a constant, blinding light shone down into that cramped space.

Dohwa, dressed in a lab coat, wore a heavy, clunky iron mask in that place. Could anyone sleep peacefully in such conditions? No—he wouldn’t have lasted even a moment in a place like that.

How long had Dohwa been living in a place like that? Hopefully not since childhood. Maybe only after he’d grown up—after becoming an adult.

But adult or child, no one should have to live in a place like that. Not even for a single day.

“……”

Jae-i clenched the hands he’d placed on top of the blanket.

“I only started sleeping properly after I came here. Maybe that’s why I’m always hungry now. But it’s not that I’m starving or anything—it just makes noise because my stomach is empty.”

“……”

“In the place I used to be, I only took a few pills a day. Still, my stomach never made a sound. But now that this place feels comfortable, my body’s gotten spoiled. It complains that it’s hungry, and when the sun sets, I get drowsy…”

Dohwa mumbled in a soft whisper, then yawned. It was a small sound, but Jae-i heard it clearly.

“This place must be comfortable.”

“……”

Memories of the day he first brought Dohwa flooded Jae-i’s mind.

The first night, he left him in the storage room like baggage. The next day, he didn’t even let him use the bathroom, forcing a humiliating accident. He didn’t give him food, not even proper clothes. That wasn’t all. He didn’t realize how cold the storage room was until days later. In the mornings, he’d wake up with Dohwa in his arms—but from Dohwa’s perspective, it must have felt like some stranger sneaking in during his sleep to violate him.

If he had been in Dohwa’s position, there was no way he would’ve found this place comfortable.

Jae-i had been wearing a stiff expression all this time when a whisper pierced his ears—“Jae-i.”

“Is the floor really not uncomfortable?”

“……”

It was unfamiliar, yes, but not uncomfortable. Perhaps it was because Dohwa was right beside him. Yes, it was fine.

When had Dohwa’s presence become something so comforting? He had never lived with anyone before in his life. Maybe he was deluding himself.

…If that were the case, then he needed to find out.

Even before the thought fully formed, his body was already moving.

As Jae-i slowly sat up and approached, Dohwa lifted the edge of his blanket as if he had been waiting. Slipping inside without hesitation, Jae-i lay beside him and began to squirm into a comfortable position. Before he even realized it, Dohwa had pulled Jae-i’s head onto his arm and gently wrapped an arm around him. The way they ended up in that position so naturally made Jae-i let out a small laugh.

“……”

Their bodies pressed together, radiating warmth. He caught the soft, now-familiar sweet scent. The way Dohwa nestled quietly in his arms made it clear that he, too, felt comfortable. Realizing that brought a wave of emotion crashing over Jae-i.

In the darkness, he often felt like he was the only one in the world. In that suffocating silence, even his own breath unheard, he used to find a strange sense of peace—but those days had started to fade. Maybe he had been lonely all along. Maybe he had longed for someone to be with.

Jae-i slowly lowered his head. Even as their lips touched, Dohwa remained still. He didn’t resist, didn’t turn away. Confirming that Dohwa remained cradled quietly in his arms, Jae-i kissed him again—longer than before. It was nothing like the accidental brushes from earlier. As he lifted his lips from Dohwa’s, Jae-i carefully stroked his back. Then, sliding his fingers under the hem of Dohwa’s clothes, he asked while gently playing with the fabric:

“Can I go further?”

Dohwa nodded without the slightest hesitation. Then, without stopping there, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jae-i’s lips.

With their lips still touching, he whispered,

“Let’s go further.”

 

 

TL- AWWWWW my shyalas😭😭