HLCOB C37

Chapter 37

Frankly, it was not that there was no thought at all of winning over this young lord with looks.

…?

In both the record of events and now, Xun Yu was upright to a fault. By the look of it, words alone would not easily make him follow. So then, it seemed better to approach rationally if that was the case. There had even been the plan to approach the Emperor in that manner—what of a young lord by comparison.

Conscience was something Jaheon could gladly give to the dogs.

Huh?

But this was unexpected. Nothing had been done, and already the young lord’s expression was suspicious.

…

Facing Jaheon, Xun Yu lowered his gray‑brown eyes and avoided Jaheon’s gaze. Seeing Xun Yu unable to say anything and averting his eyes, Jaheon called to him.

“My lord?”

Xun Yu’s face turned scarlet at once. It had been a long time since someone acted so naively on seeing his face, and Jaheon burst into laughter. For now, Xun Yu was not yet the Xun Yu of the record of events, but merely a young lord.

Much better.

After being harried by the likes of Emperor, Cao Cao, and eunuchs, meeting a guileless Xun Yu made Jaheon’s playful spirit rise for no reason. So he softly said to the frozen Xun Yu,

“Where has gone that Lord Xun who refuted my lord’s words…”

At Jaheon’s words, Xun Yu’s ears went crimson. Then he sprang up and shouted to Jaheon,

“…My earlier discourtesy—!”

But perhaps because the brush and bamboo slips had been placed carelessly, the slips and brush piled on the table rolled and clattered to the floor.

Crash—

At the sound, Xun Yu stood agape. Now flushed to his neck, he bowed his head deeply. Taller than Jaheon by only a little over Jaheon’s shoulder, Xun Yu trembled, unable to bear his shame. Because of the tear‑mole at his right eye, at a glance it even looked as if he were weeping.

…

Keeping his mouth shut in silence, Xun Yu added in a voice that barely crept out,

“…F‑forgive me.”

Gao Shun seemed fairly guileless, but Xun Yu surpassed him. As Jaheon pressed down the corner of his mouth that wanted to twitch, Xun Yu’s long lashes quivered. Then he lifted his eyes a little and, looking at Jaheon, asked,

“Were you… disappointed?”

“Disappointed?”

Jaheon answered, puzzled.

“Yes. It is that…”

Looking up like a scolded pup, Xun Yu answered in a voice that crawled,

“…that perhaps you were… d‑disappointed.”

…?

In that moment, Jaheon recalled Xun Shang’s words. Had he not said that Xun Yu greatly anticipated meeting him?

Ah.

Realizing what Xun Yu so feared, Jaheon asked,

“May the words be frank?”

“…Yes. Please… speak frankly.”

“A little, this one is disappointed.”

As expected. At Jaheon’s words, Xun Yu bowed his head low.

…

Taking results alone, Jaheon was a savior who had appeared like a comet.

Whatever the gentry said about Jaheon, those were only the words of those blinded by power. To the people, Jaheon was a sage sent to save the Han, and to young scholars like Xun Yu, he was hope itself that could change this Han.

And now that Jaheon said he was disappointed in him—

Xun Yu could not lift his head. Smiling at the sight, Jaheon quietly began,

“The one to whom my lord should apologize is not me, is it?”

At that, Xun Yu lifted his head.

“…It cannot be helped to be disappointed in Lord Xun.”

Picking up a bamboo slip from the floor, Jaheon added,

“In this world there are things that cannot be done by benevolence and righteousness alone.”

Jaheon meant that Xun Yu had behaved rudely to Xun Shang. Xun Yu knew he had done wrong. But he could not help the surge of feeling. Staring at the bamboo slip held in that white hand, Xun Yu asked,

“Then…”

The contents written upon the slip in that hand seemed to have become useless. It felt as if all Xun Yu had learned and studied had become illusion.

“Then what have I learned?”

Xun Yu too knew it—

Reality could make even his respected uncle kneel. It could make even the sages’ words useless.

“Hard it is to bear the world’s daily decline.”

There had been such a line in Jaheon’s poem.

The world was in decline. So the young Xun Yu had dreamed: to set this country right. But all said that living for the Han house alone, following only the sages’ words, could not change this country.

“If that is all useless…”

So Xun Yu felt as if he had lost his road.

“…what should I live for?”

Jaheon might also answer as Xun Shang had, rebuking him. With a nameless fear, the young Xun Yu squeezed his eyes shut—

“My lord.”

…?

Jaheon’s pleasing, beautiful voice fell at Xun Yu’s ear.

“No one can give the answer to that.”

It was a question none had ever rightly answered for Xun Yu. What should one live for? When he asked thus, vague answers had ever returned: live for loyalty and filial piety; live by learning the sages’ words. But Jaheon, who came near, offered another answer.

“It is what you must seek.”

At that, Xun Yu looked at Jaheon.

“If you do not seek the answer, no one’s answer can be the right one.”

Answer.

At that word, strangely, Xun Yu looked at Jaheon. For Jaheon was one who had drawn into the world the dream Xun Yu had thought; and one who seemed able to accomplish even more.

Gulp—

Hesitating, Xun Yu’s throat moved.

“T‑then…”

Facing the object of his longing, all manner of words rose and vanished in Xun Yu’s head. How does one find the answer? What if there is no such thing as an answer? Endless questions arose, but the words that sprang out were not a question, but a confirmation.

“…c‑can the answer be… a person?”

Like the confession of a child seeking affirmation.

…?

At that, Jaheon met the eyes with which Xun Yu looked at him. Because of beauty, Jaheon had borne the gaze of many. Yet Xun Yu’s gray‑brown eyes were a little different. Too raw a desire to call it respect; too faint a longing to call it hope.

And the object was himself.

In that instant, Jaheon laughed before he knew it. After laughing for a while, he called to Xun Yu,

“My lord.”

At Jaheon’s mirth‑tinged address, Xun Yu realized he had laid bare his heart, and his face flushed again. Seeing it, Jaheon laughed once more. Surely Xun Shang’s words had not been false—surely this young lord longed for him.

So Jaheon mischievously asked Xun Yu,

“Does my lord think a person can be the answer to that question?”

“…Do not… tease me.”

Turning his head, Xun Yu barely answered. Yet in extreme embarrassment, his body trembled faintly.

“And who is that person that your face reddens so?”

“My lord…!”

Seeing Xun Yu react so fiercely to teasing, Jaheon felt at ease. Better this than for Xun Yu to like Choseon. No matter that Xun Yu was in the record of events a recognized talent and a handsome man—in this antiquity, that he had a temper to stand against his clan head was as it was. Also, Xun Yu was still young. The adoration of youth would fade easily.

“My lord.”

Thinking lightly of Xun Yu’s feeling toward him, Jaheon bent slightly and met Xun Yu’s eyes.

“It may be that I am not the answer you think.”

And he spoke frankly.

“For I am not one who, for great righteousness, seeks to change the Han.”

…?

At that, Xun Yu’s eyes trembled in confusion. Meeting that trembling gaze, Jaheon smiled.

“But if, henceforth, you help me, perhaps it may change.”

For a child, the happiest thing is to be able to stand in the same place as the admired elder.

So Jaheon added to Xun Yu,

“Therefore, grow quickly—and come help me.”

It was half‑selfish.

…

But Jaheon did not know—

Thump—

At those words, the boy’s heart beat violently. And the grand dream of the young boy who had vowed to change the world became a small, simple dream.

“For this one will be waiting for my lord.”

A small dream—to be together with one who shone so dazzlingly.