BW C207

Chapter 207

“Too, too….”

Hoeun could not easily continue speaking. There were not enough words to express the emotions he was feeling. It was too sad, too sorrowful, too suffocating, and too painful. He also felt guilt, felt self-reproach, and even resented his own inadequate body.

Taemuk’s story was more cruel than any story Hoeun had ever heard since he was born, and at the same time, it was tragic. That story being Taemuk’s past made it even more tragic. He had expected that Taemuk’s life would not have been smooth, but he had not known it would be this miserable. Hoeun, who had only grown up within safe walls, could not even dare to imagine such a story.

“It’s okay.”

Taemuk comforted Hoeun, patting him gently. He carefully wiped away the tears that hung in clusters like transparent fruit on Hoeun’s thick eyelashes.

It was strange. It was Taemuk who had been hurt, who had been in pain, who had suffered, and yet he was the one comforting Hoeun. But it did not feel strange. To Taemuk now, Hoeun’s tears were more sorrowful and more painful than all those past tragedies.

“It’s all in the past.”

Taemuk spoke in a rather calm manner, but Hoeun suddenly reached out with his thin arms and grabbed Taemuk’s back tightly.

“Hic… hngh… I’m sorry, I came too late, too late… so you, General… hngh….”

Then, like a baby kitten climbing somewhere, he kept hugging Taemuk’s body, clinging to him, wriggling against him. Even while being held in his arms, he wanted to cling closer, as if trying to stick himself to him even more.

At that, Taemuk let out a low laugh.

“You’re here beside me now. That’s enough.”

Taemuk did not feel wronged about any of the tragedies he had experienced so far. The happiness he felt from holding Hoeun in his arms right now was so great that it was enough to cover all of it.

Taemuk supported Hoeun under his hips and slowly stroked his trembling back. At that moment, Hoeun’s ribbon-tied hair slid softly to the side. The silk swayed like waves, and Taemuk’s gaze naturally drifted there.

Right then—

Hoeun suddenly gasped and stopped breathing, then quickly grabbed the ribbon with both hands and covered it. Then, with a face damp with tears, he stammered,

“I-I will cut my hair.”

“What?”

“I will cut it.”

“Why would you cut your hair?”

“You… might feel uncomfortable looking at it… it might remind you of that cruel young master….”

Hoeun, who was sitting on Taemuk’s thigh with his knees down, lowered his head dejectedly.

He remembered the way Taemuk used to look at his ribbon in the past. A gaze that was faint yet twisted, murky yet sharpened. Sometimes it had been painfully tugged, and there had even been times when his entire hair had been grabbed. In Ramjae Village, even after getting him completely new clothes, Taemuk had not wanted to give him a ribbon. Back then, Hoeun had wondered why, but now he felt like he understood.

It must have been because it reminded him of the young master who had fed him fodder and beaten his parents.

How painful that must have been. And yet Hoeun, not knowing any of it, had tied a different colored ribbon every single day. Thinking it looked neat, thinking it would not harm Taemuk’s dignity. Like a fool…

Hoeun could not even make a sound and only let thick tears fall one drop after another.

“Don’t cut it. I don’t like it. There’s no need to do that.”

Taemuk gently removed Hoeun’s grip from his hair. Then he carefully checked whether the hair or the ribbon had been damaged, stroking it softly.

To cut this. It was so soft, so smooth, so pleasantly full to the touch. When it was tied up all day and then loosened at night, he could fully take in Hoeun’s scent. At night, he could even dry it for him himself and comb it. No one would know how blissful it felt when the soft, fragrant hair brushed against his fingers.

And when Hoeun walked or ran, the pretty-colored ribbon would sway gently, like a butterfly flapping its wings. It suited Hoeun extremely well.

Cutting his hair was Hoeun’s choice, so what could he say, but if it were cut, he would feel quite regretful. No—he might even feel sorrow. After all, the hair was also a part of Hoeun.

While Taemuk smoothed out the crumpled ribbon with his palm as if ironing it, Hoeun suddenly said something absurd again.

“Th-then… should I tie it into a topknot?”

“…What?”

“A topknot.”

“That thing tied up on the crown of the head? That old man hairstyle?”

“Yes. Normally, only a man who has held a wedding ceremony can wear a topknot, but… since you and I are already bound by heaven, even if we do not hold a ceremony, it should not go against propriety…”

Hoeun swallowed his tears and looked at Taemuk with eyes that had turned pink around the rims and eyelids from crying. His expression seemed to say, This should be a fairly good solution, don’t you think?

He seemed to have no awareness of the words he had just spoken—about marriage and such—nor of the emotions underlying those words.

“……”

Taemuk stared at Hoeun like that, then could not hold back any longer and pulled his waist toward himself. With his other hand, he cupped his chin and cheek and swallowed his tear-damp lips.

“Mm…!”

Hoeun flinched in surprise, but soon wrapped his arms around Taemuk’s neck and clung to him. Because a kiss was an extremely effective act for easing Taemuk’s pain.

Taemuk very slowly, very carefully, explored Hoeun’s lips. Whether because of fever or because of crying, Hoeun’s mouth was hotter than usual, making Taemuk’s mind dizzy.

He wanted to lay Hoeun down like this. He wanted to strip off his neat clothes, grip his pale body hard enough to leave marks, and spread his legs. Since the battle in the fir forest, he had not properly touched Hoeun, so his longing for him had reached its peak.

But Taemuk endured.

After slowly sucking Hoeun’s lips and then letting go, he pulled back reluctantly. At the kiss that ended so quickly, Hoeun lifted his brows.

“Why? A little more—”

—cough.

Hoeun stopped mid-sentence and let out a dull cough. It was because of his rough throat. Before the coughing continued again, he quickly covered his mouth. He pressed so hard that his cheeks bulged up over his fingers.

Hoeun coughed like that with his mouth covered. Suppressed sounds of kh, kh came out, and his face turned bright red, then pale again. Taemuk pulled his hand away so he could not cover his mouth.

“What’s wrong? Does it hurt when you cough? Where? Your throat? Or your chest?”

Taemuk asked with a worried look. But Hoeun kept his mouth tightly shut and shook his head.

At that, Taemuk immediately tried to get up.

“Let’s go to the old man.”

Then Hoeun quickly grabbed Taemuk’s clothes.

“It’s not, not like that. I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt.”

“Then why are you holding it in?”

“I was afraid… that it might remind you of the lieutenant…”

“Lieutenant? What lieutenant—ah.”

Only then did Taemuk realize Hoeun’s thoughts and let out a small laugh as he sat back down. It seemed that this time he was worried about the lieutenant who had died of lung disease.

“I told you, it’s all in the past. When I see your ribbon, I don’t think of that young master anymore. I think of you. Same with your coughing. I just worry that you might be sick.”

“Still…”

Hoeun drooped the corners of his lips. Tears began to gather again in his pretty eyes. Taemuk gently rubbed Hoeun’s cheek with his thumb, soothing him.

“In my world now, there are no nobles. No Shikgoe.”

“……”

“It’s just you, filling everything.”

“……”

“So you don’t have to worry about things from the past.”

But Hoeun could not stop crying. The words nobles and Shikgoe coming from Taemuk’s mouth hurt too much. It was amazing that Taemuk could say those words so casually, and at the same time, it was painful. It felt as if he had been hurt and hurt so much that he had simply faded.

Hoeun shed small tears, coughed occasionally, and blinked his eyes sluggishly. Because he had cried, heat rose up, and now even his temples were warm.

“…Ha. Come here.”

Taemuk pulled the crying Hoeun into his arms. He regretted it belatedly. If he had known Hoeun would be this sad, he would not have told him.

But at the same time, it did not feel bad that Hoeun pitied him and felt sorry for him. Even while holding Hoeun, it felt like he himself was being held.

As if he knew Taemuk’s feelings, Hoeun spread his arms wide and hugged Taemuk. Then with his small hands, he gently stroked down Taemuk’s broad back and patted him lightly. That touch was so cute and warm that a smile bloomed on Taemuk’s lips.

Hoeun held Taemuk like that for a long time, then absentmindedly turned his head to the side. Beyond the fortress wall, the sun had risen brightly. Only then did Hoeun realize that morning had come. He had been so absorbed in Taemuk’s story that he had not even noticed the world growing bright.

“The sun has risen.”

Hoeun said in a damp voice filled with lingering tears.

“…It has.”

Taemuk replied quietly, stroking Hoeun’s ribbon-tied hair.