Divorce Contract C65

Chapter 65

In that moment, Seo Dohyeon sensed that something was wrong. Staring at the gaunt yet still beautiful face, his lips parted. What kind of hallucinations was he hearing?

“…Alright.”

“It’s true. It’s really true… Please, don’t get angry. Please just keep letting me see the baby. Yes? I really did say thank you. It wasn’t a lie, but you don’t believe me. You’ll just say I lied again… but it really wasn’t.”

“I believe you. I’ll keep letting you see the baby, so don’t cry.”

It was as though Go Igyeol didn’t even realize he was crying. Tears pooled, slid across his cheeks, and clung to his chin, yet he clung to Seo Dohyeon, begging. Seo Dohyeon calmed him and laid him back down on the bed.

“Manager Yoon, please step outside for a moment.”

“Yes.”

Yoon Jaeseon lingered, watching the two of them with a pained expression, before finally leaving the room. The sound of the door closing echoed. Seo Dohyeon dimmed the lights and tucked the blanket around Go Igyeol before asking again why his hospital gown was wet.

“Ah… this is milk. They said it’s milk. They said that with premature births, the body doesn’t realize it has delivered, but after some time it recognizes it, and then the milk starts to come in. So they said I need to use a pump…? I heard the explanation earlier, but I don’t really know how to use it.”

“I’ll go hear it again. Rest for now.”

“Yes. But you can leave the light on bright. It’s fine if it’s bright, really.”

At first, Seo Dohyeon didn’t understand what he meant. Go Igyeol stopped him from dimming the lights, saying he was used to them being left on, that it didn’t matter.

“Why leave the lights on if you’re going to sleep?”

“Even at home, they were always on, bright. I’m used to it now, so do as you like.”

The aftermath of never having the lights turned off during those nights of forced sex under the guise of intimacy remained. Go Igyeol seemed not to understand why the hospital room should be dark. Seo Dohyeon clenched his fist tightly, quietly suppressing his rage at himself.

“How many times did you scratch your ear? How many times did you change the gauze today?”

At the question, Go Igyeol bit his lip. His downcast gaze and slight shake of his head answered as if to say: would you call me a liar again?

“Six, maybe six times. It bled. But it doesn’t hurt. It really doesn’t.”

“Alright. I’ll go hear the instructions for the pump. Wait here.”

“Yes, I will.”

Go Igyeol immediately closed his eyes, even folding his hands neatly as if to show how obedient he was being. Seo Dohyeon hid his bitterness and quietly stepped out. The moment he opened the door, Yoon Jaeseon, crouched outside, sprang to his feet.

“Did Go Igyeol-ssi go to the NICU alone today?”

“He went with me.”

“Then why did he say he went alone? And his ear?”

“After leaving the NICU, while speaking with the nurse, he scratched his ear intensely. He wouldn’t stop, no matter how I tried. It bled badly. The nurse who disinfected it upstairs said the inner ear looked damaged and recommended an ENT consult.”

Seo Dohyeon ran his hand over his face, weary.

“Keep watching. Report everything.”

“They also noticed his clothes were wet and said since the milk has come in, we should express colostrum and bring it down. They lent him a pump at the desk and explained how to use it.”

“Was it difficult to understand?”

“…It didn’t sound difficult to me. Also, he’s been talking to himself more. Mostly denials. And constant apologies. He kept calling your name while doing so.”

Pressing the corners of his eyes, Seo Dohyeon sighed. The symptoms that had persisted since childbirth seemed to be worsening. Was it because he no longer resisted him the way he once had?

“Go Igyeol says I’m speaking to him, but it all sounds like damned hallucinations. I think he needs psychiatric consultation. Manager Yoon, what do you think? You saw him today.”

“In my opinion as well, he needs treatment. Should I book a session?”

“Going directly will be difficult, so speak with the hospital staff and arrange for a consultation here in his room. Make sure nothing leaks out.”

“Understood.”

Seo Dohyeon nodded after hearing the explanation about the pump. If the milk was flowing enough to soak his clothes, it meant it was already coming in. If they didn’t express it quickly, he’d suffer breast engorgement.

“Let’s do it. You can go home for the day, Manager Yoon.”

“What about tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here.”

“Then please call if you need me. I’ll take my leave.”

Bowing, Yoon Jaeseon left. Seo Dohyeon gave a brief nod, dismissing him, and opened the hospital room door again. From inside, he heard Go Igyeol muttering. His voice was wet with tears, as though answering those cursed hallucinations.

“I’m sorry the baby was born weak… But they said the baby is yours, Seo Dohyeon-ssi. Hhhk… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I gave birth on my own. I’m sorry I couldn’t even give birth to a healthy baby…”

Burying his face under the blanket, scratching at his ear, Go Igyeol rubbed his sleeve roughly against his eyes. Seo Dohyeon strode quickly over and pulled back the blanket. Startled, Go Igyeol revealed his soaked face, eyes wide.

“Go Igyeol-ssi.”

“Hhhk, I’m sorry. But… but you said the baby was fine… I wanted to give birth to a healthy child, hhh, I’m sorry.”

“What did I supposedly say this time?”

“Just… all the things you said were true. But can’t you let me go? Hhhk, I’m sorry.”

Obsessively apologizing, Go Igyeol avoided his gaze. Trembling, he begged carefully, and Seo Dohyeon slowly released his grip on his shoulder. The moment he let go, Go Igyeol clawed furiously at the spot where he had touched him. Crying, apologizing, yet unable to stop his hand.

“I-I won’t divorce. I was presumptuous… If I do everything you say, could you please love the baby? Hhhk, the baby… the baby isn’t at fault. It’s all my fault…”

“I don’t blame you. The baby being born weak is my fault, not yours.”

“Then… then why do you keep getting angry…?”

“…Ha.”

Seo Dohyeon shut his eyes tightly. His ear was a mess. Because he kept scratching before it could heal, the once beautiful ear was swollen and red without respite.

“Even if you cover your ears, do you still hear my voice?”

“…I-I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Tomorrow, we’ll go to the hospital. They say there are injuries inside your ear that need treatment.”

“I’m sorry.”

Bowing his head again, Go Igyeol apologized. Seo Dohyeon pressed the nurse call button, and a nurse soon arrived. Pointing to the blood-stained gauze, he requested disinfection. The nurse scolded him gently, soothing him like a child, telling him he mustn’t keep touching it.

“If you keep bothering it, it’ll get infected and truly hurt later. You mustn’t touch it today, alright?”

“…Yes. Yes, I won’t touch it. I’m sorry.”

“Poor thing… It must sting. I’ll be gentle, so bear with it.”

“It’s alright if it hurts. Truly… it’s alright.”

Go Igyeol lay on the bed, exposing his right ear. The nurse wiped away the blood, pressed swabs soaked in disinfectant firmly against the swollen walls, then applied ointment and fresh gauze. She told him softly that it was finished, then left.

“Go Igyeol-ssi.”

“Yes…?”

“If it hurts, you have to say it hurts.”

“…It doesn’t hurt. But when can I go home? I don’t get injections anymore, so why am I still here? I want to go home with the baby.”

His tone was gentle as he asked, and Seo Dohyeon tried to explain as clearly as possible.

“The baby still needs to be in the incubator for several more weeks. And your hormones are unstable. Even now, you’re still releasing pheromones.”

“…Ah, I’m sorry. It must be unpleasant. I don’t know why it keeps happening, even to me…”

“They said you could even go into heat, so that’s why you’re here. If it happens, the hospital can respond immediately.”

“…It’s because you’re worried I’ll get pregnant again, isn’t it? That I’ll beg to have another baby. That I’ll get pregnant with your child again and hide it…? This time I’ll tell you right away, I won’t lie. I’ll never run away again. If you tell me to abort, I will. If you tell me to give birth, I will. Do whatever you want with the baby.”

Listing out his past mistakes, insisting he’d never repeat them, Go Igyeol made Seo Dohyeon shake his head, hiding the despair he felt.

“I’m worried I will make another mistake. It’s not that I don’t trust you.”

“……”

“Right now, you…”

Every time Go Igyeol bowed his head and apologized, Seo Dohyeon felt lost, devastated. There had once been hostility in his eyes, but at some point it had vanished, leaving only baseless self-blame. Though he had once vowed never to forgive, Go Igyeol now seemed brainwashed into believing everything was his fault. The only thing unchanged was how every touch still filled him with unbearable crawling discomfort. And yet, even that he excused, apologizing tearfully, pitifully, saying he didn’t know why. The hatred toward him surely still remained, yet in this moment, it seemed erased from his mind.

“I don’t want you to apologize anymore. There’s nothing that’s happened that you should be sorry for.”

“…How not? It’s all, all my fault. I forced you into having a child you didn’t want, and now it’s like this… You endured things you hated, you didn’t even divorce me, you’re letting me raise the baby. How could I shamelessly accept it, enjoy it, as though it’s my right…?”

“Go Igyeol-ssi.”

“You can treat me however you want. It’s alright if you do. I’m that kind of person. It’s alright if you hit me. Keep hitting me until you’re satisfied, it’s really, really fine. I won’t tell anyone. I just… because you’re letting me raise the baby…”