Divorce Contract C122

Chapter 122

 

Secretary Yoon, watching Vice President Seo finally eat properly after having been unable to for so long, even offered Go Igyeol a cheeky word of thanks. Seo Dohyeon cast him a look that clearly meant for heaven’s sake, shut up and eat, but Secretary Yoon failed to notice.

“Secretary Yoon,” a low voice called. Yoon Jaeseon’s smile vanished, and he hastily stuffed a mouthful of rice into his mouth. The atmosphere had turned unpleasant. Realizing only now how tense things were sent a chill down his spine. He resolved to eat quickly and slip away, shoveling food into his mouth at random.

Seo Dohyeon barely touched his meal, and Go Igyeol’s chopsticks moved slowly as well. Watching him closely, Seo Dohyeon noticed the faint tremor at the corner of his mouth as he picked up a piece of meat. It was a habit he had whenever he forced himself to eat.

“You should stop eating.”

“…What?”

“You’re forcing yourself right now.”

Go Igyeol stared between his plate and Secretary Yoon, his expression frozen. Secretary Yoon too was unable to hide his discomfiture; his mouth opened but no sound emerged. Awkward silence spread over the table piled high with food.

“Secretary Yoon, please continue your meal.”

“…Y-yes.”

“I was thinking of stepping out for a moment. Would that be all right?”

This time he spoke to Go Igyeol. Setting down his chopsticks, Go Igyeol nodded. He gave a shy smile, thanked Secretary Yoon for the meal, and reached for the coat he had left on the bed. When Secretary Yoon moved to fetch Seo Dohyeon’s outerwear, Seo waved him off and instead opened the wardrobe to select something himself.

“Let’s go.”

Seo Dohyeon moved first. He opened the door and stepped aside, allowing Go Igyeol to pass through slowly. With a soft swish the door closed, leaving Secretary Yoon alone in the room.

“Cough! Cough, cough!”

He choked as though food had caught in his throat, clutching the water bottle on the table and gulping it down. He could not even taste what he had eaten. Remembering the moment Seo Dohyeon had asked Go Igyeol if he was forcing himself to eat made him shudder. He should have asked first if they’d eaten at all. Instead, pleased by the seemingly softer mood between them, he had blundered with an absurd mistake.

Seo Dohyeon and Go Igyeol walked through the small garden attached to the hospital. Snow had fallen and stopped, and though the weather was cold, it was not unbearably so. More awkward than the chill was the act of walking side by side itself. Go Igyeol’s steps slowed.

Half a step behind him, Seo Dohyeon focused all his attention on the man’s presence. Go Igyeol’s clothes were not thin, but his body was frail, and Seo feared he might catch a chill. Then it struck him that he had never once walked through a park with Go Igyeol. Not only a park—there was nowhere they had truly walked together.

What on earth did I do for more than two years? On anniversaries he had given gifts prepared by the secretary’s office, had dinner at nice places, then come home and taken Go Igyeol to bed. Sex had occupied a large part of their life. He had been satisfied. But even that had been one-sided. Go Igyeol, sexually innocent to the point of ignorance, had merely done what Seo Dohyeon told him. Seo’s brow furrowed. I never did a single thing properly. Was my head broken? How could I think I was living decently like that? He dragged a rough hand over his face, heavy with remorse.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“Today… I think I’m fine.”

“How is the baby?”

Seo Dohyeon let out a quiet sigh as he asked after Seohyeon. Go Igyeol, eyes fixed on his pale cheek, suddenly voiced the question he had long harbored.

“Why don’t you call his name?”

At the abrupt question, confusion flickered in Seo Dohyeon’s eyes.

“…What do you mean?”

His lips, never before chapped, were now cracked and dry. He echoed the question hoarsely, then fell silent. Raising his eyes, Go Igyeol met Seo Dohyeon’s gaze.

“Ihyeon’s name. I don’t think I’ve heard you say it. Maybe you’ve said it a handful of times at most…”

Hearing that he had spoken his child’s name only a handful of times, Seo Dohyeon looked stricken, as if shocked. He stammered a question—Did I really do that?—then closed his eyes and pressed his mouth. His pale face, worsened by lingering rut and exhaustion, seemed detached. He parted his lips and let out small, pained sighs.

“…I think subconsciously I believed I shouldn’t call it.”

“……”

“That it wasn’t a name I had the right to speak. Just looking at the child made me feel like I was committing a sin.”

They walked on in silence until a small dome-shaped rest area appeared. Seo Dohyeon entered first, and Go Igyeol followed. Inside were benches and a heater blowing warm air. Sitting a little apart, they watched the small machine hum and turn.

“I used to think something like this,” Go Igyeol began first. His gaze shifted from the black vent pouring out warm air to his own fingertips reddened by the cold.

“You never wanted a child. In the end, I think half the guilt you carry toward me… comes from having forced it on me.”

“……”

“You said you felt like you’d committed a sin… I’m not even sure what I want to say.”

He spoke whatever came to mind, without order.

“When I found out I was pregnant, I spent the whole day staring at the prenuptial contract. But among all those clauses, not one said I could have and raise a child. I couldn’t even maintain the pregnancy without your permission. So that day, I blurted out that I wanted a divorce… and you said no, so firmly.”

Recalling his words from that day, Go Igyeol gave a hollow laugh. He frowned, wrinkled his nose, and shook his head as if trying to shake off the bad memory.

“The next day I went to the hospital, and they told me it was already seven weeks… they let me hear the baby’s heartbeat. Before going in, I kept thinking I had to find a hospital that would do the procedure somehow… but once I heard the heartbeat, I couldn’t. I vaguely thought, I want to have this baby. I think that’s when I really understood why.”

Seo Dohyeon stayed silent, listening to every word. He did not want to miss a single syllable. As he nodded slightly at the trembling lips and occasionally flickering eyes, Go Igyeol parted his lips again.

“Feelings that grow uncontrollably… you can’t do anything about them. When you’re kind even once, my heart doubles in size. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? Even when your voice is low, or cold, or when you look at me indifferently, my heart drops with a thud.”

“……”

“I never planned to hide it. But then… you said if you were going to have a child, you’d choose someone else. I wanted to tell you I was pregnant, but after hearing that, I couldn’t. I wanted to have the baby because it was yours, but you said if it was yours, you didn’t want it.”

Seo Dohyeon remembered that day clearly. He had regretted every day since, but that moment most of all. He had played out the thought countless times: if only his answer had been different, everything would have changed.

“I felt you shouldn’t know. If you knew, I wouldn’t be able to have it… so I decided to leave.”

It was a confession like a penance. Go Igyeol poured out the truths he had kept hidden, and as his emotions deepened, the ends of his words quivered with tears. His eyes filled slowly, then tears spilled down, soaking his pale hands.

“I was going to have the baby and raise it alone somewhere no one knew me. When I said I’d never show myself again, I meant it. But it ended up like this.”

“……”

“I hated you a lot. Even now… I still wonder why you did it. I saw you struggling, but I couldn’t be cruel to you. It hurt too much. Was it because you didn’t love me that you could be so harsh?”

At the cautious question, Seo Dohyeon shook his head.

“I loved you. I realized it too late, but I loved you all along.”

“…Every night I was afraid. I wanted morning to come quickly. They said I should see only good things and think only good thoughts, but back then… all I had were bad thoughts. Hatred, resentment. I kept thinking while I was awake: why won’t he believe me, why does he doubt me, why, why… I couldn’t find an answer. Later I grew afraid to talk. Everything you said hurt me, and every word stayed in my heart… I just wanted time to pass. I thought once I had the baby, you’d know everything, so I just had to endure until then, just until then and it would end. But even after I gave birth, nothing changed… I wanted to die instead.”

“I regretted it. Every moment I treated you that way.”

“I think I’ll never forget it. But I think as time passes it will fade. And then… maybe one day, if I forget enough, there will be a moment when I hate that Seo Dohyeon a little less.”