Divorce Contract C98

Chapter 98

After a slow walk around the villa complex with Shin Eunsuk, Go Igyeol came back inside and helped her wash the newborn’s clothes. The baby’s first garment was handwashed directly by Eunsuk herself. Though Igyeol had offered, she stopped him; no matter how thin the fabric, the strain on fingers and wrists was not something he should bear.

Igyeol watched over her shoulder as the palm-sized garment was cleansed. Frothy bubbles covered her roughened hands, and a soft fragrance rose with them. She rubbed the wrinkled cloth gently, rinsed it clean, then boiled it in scalding water as though by ritual. Three handkerchiefs, a cap, mittens, booties, and the tiny gown—each piece was drawn steaming from the bubbling pot, rinsed again and wrung out before being hung on the drying rack. For some reason, the sight filled him at once with swelling elation and bottomless sinking despair.

“Igyeol?”

“…Yes?”

“What’s wrong?”

The cozy sweetness of laundry tickled at his nose. Igyeol felt emotions, quiet for a while, surge restlessly once more. He thought he had heard somewhere that the preparations for welcoming a baby were happiness in themselves. If he had passed through those steps safely, would he too have been happy? At the thought, wretchedness stabbed through him. Why he felt this way, he did not know. He felt he should smile with joy, yet it was as if the ground crumbled beneath his feet. His expression hardened, his hands went cold.

Unconsciously, he bit down on the inside of his cheek. If he revealed these feelings to Eunsuk, he knew it would only worry her, so he held his silence and reined them in.

“It’s just… it feels real. That Ihyeon will be discharged soon.”

“I was frightened when your face suddenly fell. Ah, but it does feel refreshing, seeing everything clean and hung. Oh dear! My mind— I should have gone shopping when we were out earlier. I completely forgot. Shall we go together?”

“Ah… I think I’ll rest a little. I’m so tired today, for some reason…”

Noticing how abruptly his mood had dimmed, Eunsuk did not press the suggestion. Instead, she led him to the sofa, laid a thick blanket over him, and stayed close.

“With the windows this large, the sun streams in well. They’ll dry quickly,” she murmured, watching the baby clothes bathed in afternoon light. Instead of asking him, she patted his back gently, as though to say she understood every confusion in his heart. She remained by his side in silence.

“Then perhaps we’ll just eat something simple today. There’s plenty in the refrigerator.”

“You can go. It’s fine, really.”

“Will you be all right alone?”

“Of course. I’m not a child. Just come back quickly.”

He even added a joking tone, but the smile it produced only made him look more uneasy. Avoiding her searching eyes, he turned his face away. She worried for him, yet knew she could not stay bound to his side without pause. He needed time alone, and the ability to endure it. No matter how pitiable he was, it was part of what he had to face.

“Then I’ll be back quickly. Is there anything you’d like to eat?”

“No. Anything is fine.”

“Good boy. No fussing over food, eating whatever is given.”

She praised him as if he were a child, patting his shoulder. Igyeol caught her hand and rested his forehead against it, exhaling deeply before letting go.

“Go on.”

“…I’ll be quick, hm?”

“Yes. Wrap up warmly.”

With worry in her eyes, Eunsuk left. The sound of the closing door rang through the empty space, and Igyeol realized he was alone. It had been so long since he was truly by himself. When not with her, there had always been Seo Dohyeon, or at least his secretary. Even now, a houseworker was somewhere in the home, yet out of sight it felt like solitude.

For a few minutes, he sat hunched on the sofa, clutching the blanket. His gaze drifted slowly to the drying rack, sparsely hung with clothes. Resting his cheek on his knees, he suddenly wondered about the baby’s room—one he had never opened.

As he rose, the blanket slipped to the floor, forgotten. He moved toward the door opposite his own bedroom, heart pounding as though it would burst from his chest. Though he was not sneaking, he held his breath as his fingers pressed the knob.

The door opened without sound. Afternoon light spilled across a floor layered with soft mats. The walls were cream and pale green. A low wooden dresser, a small wheeled trolley, a lamp shaped like a car. Toys too early to use, plush dolls too soft. The nursery lacked for nothing.

Igyeol moved without thinking. The space was immaculate, the temperature and humidity perfectly controlled. He trailed his hands over the furniture, stopping at the crib. From the bedding rose the same scent as the laundry hung moments ago. On top lay a plain white gown, waiting for its owner. He reached out. The cloth melted against his hand, and pain surged through his chest as if it had been waiting.

Of course everything was ready. A man so thorough would have prepared it all. Yet stepping into the perfectly arranged space made the ache unbearable. His eyes burned hot, tears swelling. He wanted to cry aloud.

On impulse, he pulled his phone from his pocket, scrolled through the single stored number, and pressed call. His fingers did not hesitate. Tears streaked down his face as the ringing sounded only a few times before Seo Dohyeon’s voice answered.

– “Go Igyeol-ssi. What’s wrong?”

“……”

– “Go Igyeol? Can you hear me? Where are you? Igyeol.”

At the deepening tone, Igyeol’s lips trembled.

“…At home.”

His quivering voice reached Dohyeon, who exhaled audibly over the line.

“…I saw the nursery. Just now. I’m in the nursery even now.”

– “Then why are you crying? There’s nothing there that should make you cry.”

“…I bought baby clothes. A little gown. I wanted… to dress him in it. But there’s one here already.”

Through the receiver, he heard Dohyeon’s footsteps moving swiftly. Igyeol covered his mouth with his hand, eyes clenched shut. The tears he had held back spilled freely.

“I kept… kept wanting to ask, but I held it in. I was afraid of your answer. I thought it was better not to hear it. But now… I think I have to ask.”

Though broken by sobs, his words came clearly, each syllable precise.

– “I’m coming. Just wait. I’ll be there soon. We’ll talk in person.”

“If I see your face, I’ll… I’ll be unable to. So I’ll ask now. Why… why did you do it? Why did you treat me that way?”

– “Igyeol—”

“You never believed me. Even when the baby was born, you didn’t believe. I told you no, and still you suspected. Did you think that forcing yourself on me, even raping me, could be forgiven if you decorated a nursery? Did you think I would be grateful?”

– “……”

“The memory of it, your words, your face—everything is still so vivid. Sometimes I hate myself, hate being Go Igyeol, as though I was born only to suffer that. And I think, what if the baby too hates me, for being born of me? It terrifies me. So tell me… why. Why did you do it?”

Collapsing, Igyeol ended the call before Dohyeon could answer. The phone slipped from his hands, but the soft mat absorbed the fall. Covering his face with trembling hands, he lay down on the floor and wept aloud for the first time since marriage. His lips parted, unleashing the grief he had crushed down.

The wrenching sobs from the nursery startled the houseworker, who hurriedly messaged Yoon Jaeseon. Pacing anxiously in the living room for a few minutes, the worker was jolted when the door burst open and Dohyeon strode inside. Crossing the room, he halted at the sight of the houseworker.

“Executive Director, you’re back?”

“Pay no mind. Continue your work.”

“Ah, yes, sir…”

The worker bowed and fled toward the utility room. Dohyeon moved on, swallowing a sigh at the muffled sobs leaking from the nursery. Hand on the knob, he opened the door. Inside, Igyeol lay face down, weeping.