Divorce Contract C64

Chapter 64

Several days passed without Go Igyeol giving Seo Dohyeon an answer. In that time, the hallucinations grew worse. The gauze stuck to his ear was peeled off and replaced several times a day. By then, most of the voices he heard were along the lines of: instead of being grateful that he was being shown the baby and allowed to raise it himself, how dare he hesitate. As he listened, Go Igyeol would think, Why should I be grateful? Yet, pathetically, he began to truly feel thankful.

Thankful that he had been allowed to give birth, thankful that he was allowed to see the baby, thankful that he could go down to the NICU at every visitation time to meet the child. His mind was slowly collapsing, but no one noticed. In the end, with gratitude toward Seo Dohyeon, Go Igyeol sought out the NICU with the help of Yoon Jaeseon.

Once a day, thirty minutes at a time, he could see the baby. Yet it still felt as though the child wasn’t growing at all. While in the incubator, the baby had received three lung maturation injections. He was told it was because the baby had been born too soon for the lungs to expand properly. Even with that explanation, the thought pained him, and he wept again before the incubator.

“You need to recover quickly as well, Mother. Only then can you hold your baby and do kangaroo care.”

“Kangaroo care? What’s… that?”

“Kangaroo care is when a father or mother presses the baby skin-to-skin against their chest. Once the baby becomes a little stronger, they’ll lie against the father’s chest for a set time. It helps build attachment and emotional development. The baby feels secure and at peace facing the father. And the mother’s anxiety is said to lessen by holding the baby close.”

At the nurse’s explanation, Go Igyeol imagined placing that tiny, fragile baby on his own chest. But what if he hurt the baby? What if touching him caused harm? How could anyone say that would reduce anxiety? His anxiety only grew, snowballing like an avalanche.

“What if… what if it hurts the baby?”

“There’s never been a baby hurt by kangaroo care, and even if something happened, you’re in a hospital, so the staff can respond immediately. And your baby is doing well during the hospitalization, so focus on your recovery too.”

The hand that briefly squeezed his shoulder was kind. The nurse checked the fresh gauze taped over his right ear, the scabbed nape of his neck, the backs of his hands, and his wrists. By now, rumors about Go Igyeol and his spouse had spread through the hospital. Everyone knew the premature birth of a bloodied Omega brought in had been caused by his spouse’s rut. Stories about the spouse’s mother causing a scene in the VIP ward, and about the father striking the patient in a private room, also circulated freely among the staff.

Whether fortunate or not, those rumors never left the hospital. After all, the patient’s spouse was heir to a major corporation, and everyone knew what kind of business his maternal family ran. Everyone knew what their respectable financial company truly handled. Nobody wanted to be dismissed quietly from their job, so mouths stayed shut.

But no secret lasts forever. Recently, somehow, reporters had gotten wind of it and were poking around the hospital.

“You’re aware of that, aren’t you?”

How he had ended up here, no one knew. All they hoped for was that he would recover well and leave with his baby. Smiling, the nurse saw off the hunched Go Igyeol and the supportive Yoon Jaeseon.

“By the way, your chest—have you felt any pain or burning? Was everything alright?”

“…Pardon?”

“In cases of premature birth, the body doesn’t immediately recognize that it has delivered a child, so milk doesn’t come in at first. But after about two to three weeks, it begins. Looking at the wet mark on your gown, it seems your milk has started.”

“This…”

The nurse pointed to the round damp spot on his hospital clothes, explaining it was breast milk.

“If you try a pump, you should get colostrum. Collect it in a bottle and bring it to the NICU. We’ll feed it to the baby during scheduled times. Nothing is better for a newborn than colostrum. If you don’t express, you risk breast engorgement and mastitis, so please use the pump.”

“A pump… where would I get one?”

“Ask at the desk and they’ll provide it. They’ll explain how to use it, and you can try in your room.”

“…Ah, yes. Thank you.”

Bowing his head, Go Igyeol listened to her farewell before she went back inside. Left in the empty corridor with Yoon Jaeseon, he leaned against the wall, catching his breath, rubbing his damp cheeks, tugging at his gown.

“So this is breast milk…”

Almost by habit, he scratched near his ear. The hallucinations came at all hours, and he was used to them now. Instead of being thankful you can see the baby, why do you look so miserable?—Seo Dohyeon’s voice taunted him. Forcing a smile, he stared at the damp patch. So weak, and yet you give birth and start producing milk? That voice jeered until at last, unable to resist, his fingers dug into his ear canal. He scraped away the scab, nails digging into flesh, but felt no pain. He kept picking at the narrow opening, even as discomfort spread through his chest.

“You mustn’t do that!”

If Yoon Jaeseon hadn’t stopped him, he might have gouged out flesh. Dazed, he stared into space, muttering incomprehensibly. Wiping the blood on his fingers against his gown, he pressed the half-detached gauze back into place. Supported by Yoon Jaeseon, he began to move slowly. Today, he resolved, he would tell Seo Dohyeon he would do as he wished—and thank him.

He mustn’t forget. He had to say it. Because he had been given the chance to raise the child he couldn’t even look at before. Why had he ever begged for divorce? If he stayed married, he could keep the baby, watch the baby grow by his side.

He felt foolish. An early birth was a blessing. He was enjoying luxuries he should never have had, yet he only cried. How bothersome, how hateful he must seem. He shouldn’t show such an attitude to someone who had shown him kindness.

Wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, his expression grew strangely light.

That day, Go Igyeol clung to Seo Dohyeon and said he would do as he wished. Even though the touch of him still sent unbearable shivers crawling across his skin, he no longer knew why. Enduring the gooseflesh and itching, he bowed his head.

“Thank you. For… letting me raise the baby.”

“…Go Igyeol-ssi.”

“I’m sorry for always overthinking, for hesitating. I should have told you sooner.”

Looking up at Seo Dohyeon, speaking his thoughts without tears, he smiled. But something was wrong. His lips alone smiled while his eyes twisted, a bizarre expression.

“What happened today?”

“…Today? Nothing. I just… saw the baby. I ate all my meals too. Nothing happened today.”

When Seo Dohyeon’s gaze fixed on the hand scratching near his ear, Go Igyeol hastily hid it. Watching him, and finding this Go Igyeol different from yesterday’s, Seo Dohyeon glanced at Yoon Jaeseon. But he only shook his head slightly.

“Why are your clothes wet? Did you wash?”

“Oh, this. This is breast milk. They said it’s coming in. I was given a pump, but even with instructions I don’t really understand how to use it. But the baby hasn’t grown. I went today too, and the baby’s still so small. Why won’t it grow?”

Go Igyeol’s eyes trembled. His words strayed further and further. Seo Dohyeon seated him on the bed again and asked carefully where he had gone that day.

“I went to see the baby, since you said I could. I saw the baby. You told me I could, so I went.”

“Did you go alone?”

“Yes, alone. I saw the baby. But… why are you asking?”

“Was the baby alright?”

Meeting his eyes at the same level, Seo Dohyeon asked softly. Go Igyeol nodded. He muttered that the baby was fine, though his hand kept drifting to his ear, rubbing it with his shoulder.

“And what else was said? Why are your clothes wet?”

“…Huh? What are you asking…? The voices keep mixing together. I’m sorry.”

“What voices?”

“You. You keep… keep speaking. I want to hear properly, but I’m sorry. Could you speak slowly?”

At those incomprehensible words, Seo Dohyeon’s expression hardened further. What voices was he hearing? Go Igyeol’s eyes blurred again. Then he twitched his shoulders and forced a smile, curling his lips.

“…Ah, but I did say thank you. Thank you for showing me the baby. Truly. Thank you.”

“What did I say to you?”

“You asked if I was really thankful… said my expression didn’t match, said if I didn’t want to see the baby, I could just send it away. But… don’t say that. Please. If I’ve been troublesome, I’m sorry.”

Seo Dohyeon pressed his lips shut. Behind him, Yoon Jaeseon drew in a sharp breath.

“I truly am grateful. For the baby… For the baby being born early too. If it hadn’t been so early, you wouldn’t have shown me. In a way, it’s a blessing. Really.”