Divorce Contract C67

Chapter 67

When Seo Dohyeon entered the hospital room, groaning sounds came from the bed. Was he dreaming something terrible, or was it that damned hallucination again? Concerned, he approached quickly, only to find Go Igyeol drenched in cold sweat, clutching his chest and sobbing uncontrollably.

“Why.”

“…My chest… it hurts.”

“Ah.”

Biting down on his lip, Go Igyeol turned his face away, his cheeks flushing scarlet as if enduring unbearable shame. It was a different posture than the submissiveness he had shown earlier. When Seo Dohyeon reached out, Igyeol flinched back slightly. Watching his suddenly altered attitude, Seo Dohyeon thought this was preferable—better to face Igyeol’s look of contempt than his endless begging for forgiveness.

“You probably need to express milk. Can you do it on your own, or…”

“…If you step out, I’ll… I’ll do it alone.”

“You said before you didn’t know how to use it.”

Seo Dohyeon brought the breast pump from the table back to the bed. He set the table upright, pulled out the machine, and connected the tubes and bottles.

“It’s pre-set, but they said it’s best to keep the suction on the weakest setting. Short intervals. If you can’t manage alone, call me—I’ll help.”

Leaving behind Igyeol, who was clutching his collar with tears dripping down, Seo Dohyeon stepped out of the room, his feet heavy. With a sigh, he stationed himself at the door, holding his breath as he listened to the faint sounds inside.

But even after ten minutes, there was no real sound. Occasionally, it seemed like he turned the machine on, but it stopped soon after. Seo Dohyeon, no longer waiting, knocked, said he was coming in, and opened the door.

“Go Igyeol-ssi.”

“Hhh, hhkk… hhh, uhh…”

Hearing him sobbing into his hand, Seo Dohyeon rushed in. Igyeol sat with his shirt undone, holding the pump in confusion. His chest was reddened, faint marks left behind, transparent moisture beading at the tips, while the bottles remained empty. Seo Dohyeon approached in silence, picking up the dropped suction cup from the bed. He placed it against Igyeol’s chest, which looked painful even to behold, and turned on the machine.

At the lowest setting, after a short while, the transparent droplets began to drip steadily.

Go Igyeol bit his lips to endure the pain. Clutching at the wrinkled blankets, he panted, then squeezed his eyes shut again. As the nurse had explained, Seo Dohyeon kept it under five minutes on each side, alternating, before finishing the pumping and tightening the cap on the bottle containing the colostrum.

When Seo Dohyeon put away the machine, Igyeol fastened his shirt and pulled the blanket over his head. The trembling made it clear he was crying, but Seo Dohyeon wasn’t in a position to console him. Carrying the equipment and bottle, he left quietly, delivered them to the desk, and returned—only to find Igyeol locked inside the bathroom again. The sound of water gushed. He had begun washing compulsively, muttering incoherently that he smelled foul.

“Go Igyeol-ssi.”

“……”

“I’m coming in.”

No reply came, but Seo Dohyeon opened the door anyway. Inside the shower booth, Igyeol was standing beneath cold water, saying he didn’t know how to turn on the hot. As soon as the sound of water reached him, Seo Dohyeon’s body reacted first.

He opened the booth door, checked the temperature—it was cold. No matter how hot the day, this was no temperature for Igyeol. Ignoring the fact his own clothes were getting soaked, Seo Dohyeon turned the lever until the water warmed, then closed the booth door again. Standing beneath the falling stream, Igyeol’s lips parted.

“…Why…”

“……”

“Why do you pity me now…?”

“That’s not it.”

Seo Dohyeon focused on the voice coming faintly from behind the glass.

“Why not pity me? You should pity me. I’m shameless, disgraceful… you don’t pity me?”

“Go Igyeol-ssi.”

“If I hadn’t given birth… would we have been able to divorce?”

His gaze, which had always been cast downward, now lifted toward Seo Dohyeon. Was it tears shimmering in his pale brown eyes, or the water dripping from his lashes? Behind the glass, his fragile figure seemed like it might dissolve with the water and vanish. Seo Dohyeon, unable to bear the anxiety, gripped the handle—but couldn’t bring himself to open the door. At that moment, Igyeol’s voice fell heavy, like a water-soaked sponge.

“I regret it. The baby… I shouldn’t have given birth. Just… I shouldn’t have. It would’ve been better if it had all gone wrong back then. Then you would’ve never known…”

“……”

“I could have left you that way. As much as you hate me… I hate you too, Seo Dohyeon…”

His words trailed off as he lifted his head to the ceiling and shook it gloomily. No, no… he muttered faintly, his voice crumbling into nothing.

“I should be grateful you let me keep the baby, grateful you let me raise it. Really, I should. But why… why do I only feel resentment toward you. Why… hhk… hhrr… Ah, no, no, I mustn’t. I mustn’t resent you.”

Standing under the water, Igyeol covered his face.

“Why do I keep resenting you?”

Seo Dohyeon gripped the handle tightly. Even that weak force could have opened the door, but he could not bring himself to do it. All he managed was to whisper his name softly—Go Igyeol-ssi.

He had gone to the ENT department, yet nothing had changed. Go Igyeol’s lucid moments were brief, his confused ones long. Seo Dohyeon knew his mind and spirit were breaking, but Igyeol himself did not. He paid no attention to his own state.

His life was now divided into two parts: the times when he saw the baby, and the times when he did not. And now came the hour he had awaited—the time to see the baby.

Three weeks had passed since the birth, and still, the child had no proper name. The incubator bore only the parents’ names.

Igyeol regretted the words he had spoken earlier—I shouldn’t have given birth. It felt like the baby knew he had said something so hateful, for today the child looked especially weak.

“You’ve come?”

“Ah… hello.”

The nurse greeted him and stood beside him before the incubator. His expression was somber, as if there was something he needed to say. But Igyeol, noticing nothing, stared only at the sleeping baby inside.

“Well…”

The nurse regretted having to speak these words to a parent who always gazed so anxiously at the baby during their short time together.

“It’s not something to worry too much about yet, but…”

“…Yes?”

“They say they’ve heard a murmur in the baby’s heart. You’ve probably already heard it from the doctor, but as the parent, you should know as well.”

“…A murmur…? What do you mean, a murmur… what does that mean?”

Seeing Igyeol turn pale in shock, the nurse tried to explain as gently as possible.

“Well… if you divide the heart like this, there’s a wall here. There’s a hole in it, so blood is leaking through. I know it sounds frightening when I put it like this, but in most cases, it closes naturally as the child grows. We tell parents even the smallest details, so please don’t worry too much yet.”

“…A hole… in the baby’s heart?”

Though the nurse said not to worry, Igyeol was already in panic. A hole in the heart, leaking blood—how could that not be serious? He was sure it was his fault. Because he had harbored such cruel thoughts, spoken such terrible words to Seo Dohyeon, the baby had to suffer the punishment.

“Please, calm down. We’ll need an echocardiogram to be certain, but if the defect is under 7mm, it usually closes within the first year, or becomes much smaller. Cases of it enlarging are rare, very rare. Truly.”

“Hhhk, hhhh… what do I do…”

His slender hands trembled violently. No matter how the nurse tried to reassure him, the words fell on deaf ears. Tears streamed as he shivered in fear. Supporting him, the nurse guided him out of the NICU.

Seo Dohyeon, who had been waiting outside, immediately approached the moment he saw the change in Igyeol’s demeanor. He asked the nurse what had happened.

“I explained about the heart murmur—in other words, atrial septal defect. The parent seemed very shocked.”

“Ah.”

Seo Dohyeon let out a low groan. That morning, while Igyeol was asleep, he had gone down and heard the explanation from the doctor himself. He hadn’t thought the nurse would tell Igyeol directly in the NICU. His face twisted in frustration. He had intended to confirm the details later with an echocardiogram at another hospital after discharge, and then explain. His plan was ruined.

“M-my baby… the baby’s heart, hhh, the heart…”

Staggering toward him, Igyeol clutched Seo Dohyeon’s collar. His emotions were torn between extremes. Even though every touch made his skin crawl as if insects were swarming over him, there was no one else to hold on to. Gasping, drenched in tears, he tried to speak of the baby—but could not form the words.