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    Chapter 123

    With the back of his hand pressing firmly against his dampened eyes, Go Igyeol looked at Seo Dohyeon and gave a faint, weary smile. Having finally poured out words he had kept locked within his heart, there was a strange sense of relief. His still-wet gaze remained fixed on Seo Dohyeon, and the expression on his face seemed to say, Now it is your turn. After lingering for some time, Seo Dohyeon finally parted his lips with difficulty. A dry rasp accompanied the low, subdued voice that followed.

    “
I don’t even know where to begin, but the truth is, that prenuptial contract was drafted to break the marriage. No matter how I looked at it, marrying you brought me nothing to gain. So I drew up that ridiculous contract. I thought you’d refuse outright when I handed it over, but you signed it without a moment’s hesitation. I remember being taken aback by that. Still, it wasn’t entirely bad.”

    At hearing such a confession for the first time, Go Igyeol lifted his eyes. His fingers, lying loosely on his thigh, began to clench with faint tension.

    “It was a marriage with an expiration date. If there was no child, my family would assume the problem lay with one of us. And after a few years, either my mother or my grandfather would have forced a divorce regardless. Sooner or later, it would have ended that way without us even having to step forward.”

    “

”

    “And since I had obeyed my grandfather’s will by marrying you, everything he promised to bequeath would naturally come to me intact. Whatever the process, I would have obtained what I wanted without strain.”

    The revelation struck like a blow; Go Igyeol’s face hardened. He turned his eyes from Seo Dohyeon’s face to the ring on his finger, as if shifting his gaze might make listening easier. Then, forcing himself, he focused once more on Seo Dohyeon’s voice. That low voice faltered here and there, only to resume after a sigh.

    “That’s how it began, this marriage. But then came something I never accounted for—feelings I hadn’t planned for, hadn’t written into any contract. Those feelings grew, without my knowing. I refused to acknowledge them, pretended ignorance, and for a time I managed to forget.”

    “

”

    “But I realized my feelings toward you were growing excessive. I think I truly recognized it the day you told me you wanted a divorce, though I couldn’t bear to accept it. To me, such emotions were unnecessary between us. I had many ways to bind you to me, and I assumed—of course I assumed—that you would remain by my side regardless. Then I began to doubt your connection with Na Seonwoo. It started with his pheromones, and when you hid your meetings with him, I convinced myself there must be something between you.”

    Voicing the catalyst that had driven things this far, disgust crept upward from the pit of Seo Dohyeon’s stomach like insects. He endured the revulsion as he raked his hand through his hair.

    “But suspicion couldn’t last. I forgot soon enough. From that point on, you started listening to me so very well. You leaned on me more than before, sought out my embrace of your own will. Drenched in my pheromones, you acted as though you were wholly mine, as if I was all there was for you.”

    “Ah.”

    “I thought it meant you had realized divorce was impossible, that you had finally accepted this bond. But just at that very moment
 you disappeared.”

    Seo Dohyeon rubbed his parched lips, pausing. His dark eyes, that had been fixed on empty space, shifted toward Go Igyeol. His cheeks were still flushed from the earlier tears and warmth filling the room. Despite knowing the tragic end that awaited his words, Go Igyeol nodded as if urging him to continue.

    “
When I found out you were pregnant, I went mad searching for you. I even went to Na Seonwoo several times, but I couldn’t bring myself to question him. I feared the fantasies I had woven might all be true. So I never asked a single thing. I only wanted to hear it from you directly.”

    “But
 you never did.”

    “You’re right. I never asked, and I never listened. I dismissed every denial you gave me as lies meant only to escape the moment. Even as I did unspeakable things to you, I cursed that the child inside you had ruined us. Whenever your exhaustion tugged at my pity, I looked at your swelling belly and corrected my resolve. Every time I saw you silently endure the wounds I inflicted, I hardened my conviction that my suspicions must be true. Day after day, without fail, I committed that same foolish sin
 never realizing I was burying you beneath my guilt.”

    Go Igyeol’s lashes trembled, his eyes glistening with heartbreaking tears. Without realizing it, Seo Dohyeon reached out. As he brushed away a tear tracing a long path down his cheek, he spoke in a hushed voice.

    “Only after I had broken your body and your spirit did I learn the truth. That it was my child.”

    “

”

    “And even after committing such a monstrous sin, I still wanted to beg you for a chance—to make amends. To plead for forgiveness, to say I regretted it, that I was wrong. But no matter how I turned it over in my mind
 I knew it was impossible. Still, shamelessly, I
 still thought of it.”

    A heavy sigh escaped him, his chest sinking with the sensation of falling into a bottomless abyss.

    “In denying reality, I clung to the delusion that if I just waited, circled close, stayed near, then perhaps things would return to what they once were. Each day, I held on to that absurd hope until I finally realized how impossible it was. For a while, I even wished all memories of you would vanish. I wished I could go back—if only the impossible could be made possible. If time could turn back and rewrite the past, I thought I’d do anything to make it so.”

    The hand that had been rubbing his damp cheek slowed gradually.

    “But now I’ve finally accepted that it cannot be.”

    “
Hhhk, hhh
”

    “It wasn’t that you couldn’t let go. It was me. I was the one who kept holding on, who made you mistake pity for affection.”

    At his low, trembling words, Go Igyeol, unable to respond, wept openly. Sniffling, he pulled away from the hand cradling his cheek.

    “Let’s find what it is you truly want to do. If you wish, I’ll help you return to school. If staying in Korea weighs you down, studying abroad somewhere distant would be fine. If you find the public gaze intrusive, we could spend some time away, at a retreat, until it all passes. In a new environment, adapting to new rhythms, one day it won’t matter that we parted
 one day it will all feel ordinary.”

    His voice trembled ceaselessly as he spoke of creating any possible path to give him peace. But Go Igyeol could not answer. To none of it could he say, Yes, that is what I want.

    On the day Seo Dohyeon was discharged, Go Igyeol was busy moving their belongings. It was decided—they would return to Seoul. Just as he had said, parting required preparation. In their current state, to remain as they were would blur the line between separation and continuation.

    “Are you certain you don’t want me to come?”

    But Shin Eunsuk would not be returning with them. Go Igyeol had resolved to focus on preparing for reinstatement at school, attending therapy, and keeping his days filled. He could no longer afford to spend so much of his time with her. Though she worried it might be better if they remained together, Go Igyeol would not change his mind.

    “If you came with us
 I think you’d feel lonely.”

    “What are you saying, child.”

    “I just
 feel like you would.”

    Already, he carried so much guilt. To bring her along and then fail to give her proper attention would only add to that burden. Besides, she was someone accustomed to living alone. It had become clear to him only after staying there: she was most at ease by herself. That made it all the harder to ask her to accompany him.

    “Just call me often, then. And I’ll call you.”

    “I’ll go up to Seoul at least once a week to see Ihyeon. He’s already tugging at my heart so much, I don’t know how I’ll manage.”

    “I’ll send plenty of photos.”

    At his answer, Shin Eunsuk nodded, her lips parting as though she wanted to say something more. Time and again she opened her mouth only to close it again. Even as they stood by the parked car, she still held fast to his hand, hesitating.

    “Auntie?”

    “
Igyeol-ah.”

    “Yes.”

    “So
 well
”

    Her brows furrowed, then smoothed, her lips pressing and releasing, the lines of her forehead deepening. At last, as if steeling herself, she spoke cautiously.

    “I just
 don’t think being alone is such a bad thing.”

    “

”

    “Divorce isn’t the stain it used to be. In the old days, people stayed together only for the children, but you’re living now, not then. What I mean is
 you don’t have to reopen old wounds just for Ihyeon’s sake. Not unless it’s truly what you want. Do you understand? Your decision shouldn’t hinge on him.”

    Understanding at last the reason for her hesitation, Go Igyeol gave her a faint smile. He gripped her hand tightly and nodded. He, too, did not want to reconsider divorce merely because of Seo Ihyeon.

    “Don’t worry.”

    “Whatever decision you make, you must come first.”

    “
Yes.”

    “Come here. Let me hold you once before you go.”

     

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